I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Randomize