We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
