yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
God, I missed his penis.
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