I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
