Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
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