I accidentally had phone sex last night
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
There r osticjed everywhere
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
