I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Randomize
