my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
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