dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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