Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
how do you play pong handcuffed?
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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