Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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