Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
tell me about the eggs
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
