I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
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