You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
