Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
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