And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
