I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
