I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
