i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
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