have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Randomize
