i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
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