how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
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