I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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