If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
