I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
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