having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
