For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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