I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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