I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
