Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
