well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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