I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
