Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
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