just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
