Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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