Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
tonight lets celebrate not being married
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
