I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
