also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Randomize
