Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
