The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I haven't been this sober since birth.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
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