i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
