We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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