Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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