apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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