i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
