I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
