If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
