I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
