i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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