i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
