I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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