my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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