i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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