I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
