Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
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