the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
