This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
