when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Randomize
