apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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