it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
And then my night got REAL pukey
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize