is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
