Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Randomize
