we're blogging at a bar
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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