I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
