She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Randomize
