I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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