tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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